perhaps it's the peculiar way I'm cerebrally programmed, but sometimes there are just these intangible feelings that are simultaneously so enthralling and, well,
frightening.
You see, I firmly believe that we all have inside of us this intrinsic Voice that demands our attention. It tells us to follow a certain path, sometimes blindly, and to not question it, nor second guess yourself, but to just follow it and see where it goes.
Maybe a poor analogy, or pun, or both, but my running has garnered these thoughts from me. I think that's normal for any of us with an ardent fervor for something, whether it be running, our profession, traveling, anything. We question at some points if this is what we should be doing, if it is worth it, if we are capable of being the best at what we yearn to do. Nobody wants to be satisfactory at their passion. If they do, well, then that's not their passion.
Ever since I started running after I graduated high school just 2-and-a-half years ago, I've followed the path to becoming a 4-time marathoner blindly. I never asked questions. I only ran more, and more, and more, until I reach the point where running 23 miles on a Sunday morning doesn't seem too daunting. I'm neither proud nor upset by this. It's just what I have become, for better or worse. So much has been sacrificed on my part due to my passion for running: fun with friends, time with family, time devoted to other activities, schoolwork, even relationships have suffered due to my commitment. Sometimes, I think this Voice is wrong.
Or maybe I'm just making excuses.
Maybe the jury is still out on that. Maybe I run so much to satiate some internal desire of mine. Maybe it's just the fear of being overweight again like I was for so many painstaking years of my childhood. I guess the reality is that it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter why we focus so much on what drives us, what inspires us, or why the Voice tells us to speed up, not slow down, and just keep going.
What matters is the process. If you cannot be satisfied, or happy, with the journey of greatness (that could also very well lead to failure), then you're doing the wrong thing. Pick something else to take up your time. The Voice gets its own pleasure in seeing the development of the path, the end of the road.
For some, it may be a promotion, the nailing of a presentation, or getting elected. For me, this is my path with my end. And, when I reach it, I am ever so positive that The Voice was right all along.
