Wednesday, November 30, 2011

What the Boston Marathon Means to Me

Running means something to each individual person; there is, I believe, no definitive, one reason why we all run crazy distances and miles week after week.  Some people run just because they are so talented and naturally gifted at the sport.  Some people do it to escape the reality of their own lives and just get away.  Some do it to constantly tug war with their waistline.  The reasons are longer than the distance between Hopkinton and Boylston Street.

The Boston Marathon is my chance for greatness.

I think greatness, albeit a relative term, is something I have craved for throughout my entire athletic career.  Anyone who knows me is cognizant of my extreme competitiveness.  For better or worse, I am excessively hard on myself.  To me, it is the only way I can improve, strive for more and be better than I am now.   Many can attest to the fact that I am seldom satisfied at the end of any race.  The only races I can be justifiably happy about are PRs.  Unfortunately, I haven’t had one of those since June.

This cross country season has been well documented in its utmost frustration.  While my last race was my best race of the season (and perhaps a PR effort at the always menacing  Van Cortlandt Park in the Bronx), I still left the season without ever breaking 28 minutes in the 8K.   Even with the (even more well documented) effort and work I put into the season this year, racing times never came together to what I had hoped.  Those results on websites and racing bibs I pin to the wall of my dorm room are painstaking memories of that brutal reality.

After running almost two minutes slower than my marathon PR at Boston in April of this year, and the lack of improvement this cross country season, that desire and need for greatness burns deeper than your legs and lungs at the summit of Heartbreak  Mountain Hill.

Going into this round of marathon training, there are some inescapable fears I have been dealing with.  The fear of maybe that, because I do not possess the natural running talent of some of my peers, that I have peaked as a runner to the point where I cannot improve any more.  Because of my lack of PRs lately, I can only quiver at that thought. Since I'm still a relative running fledgling and have only ran competitively for 2 1/2 years, I will not accept this as an answer. I know I can still improve. 

Yet, what hurts more, what thought is more suffocating than a 10 mile run in 100-degree weather, is the fear of failure.

Even if I must create my own enemies in my head, I have this undeniable necessity to prove as many doubters wrong as I can and achieve my goal.  I saw Boston last year as my chance for greatness and it didn’t happen.  I see Boston next year as one of my last chances for greatness and flat-out refuse to have it any other way.  Without breaking two hours and 40 minutes, or even earning a PR, any result is just a waste.                 

Maybe, likely, this entire path I must take to “prove” people wrong or attain what I think is something great is all in my head.

Maybe it’s selfish.

In the most brutal of candor, I don’t know what it is.  I don’t know why I am wholeheartedly compelled and possessed by under 2:40 in Boston.   Maybe I’m even running away (figuratively and literally) from my own failures which is why I must accomplish this feat.   What I cannot deny is that there is some hole inside that beckons me to do this one way and one way only. It's the way where I'll finally, after a near 22 years of existence, feel like I belong, feel like I've accomplished something magnificent, feel like a success.

That way is greatness.

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Dear Legs

Dear Legs,

I’ve decided to run the Boston Marathon again this April.  I don’t know if you heard but the rumors are true.  Yes, you’re going to have a lot of stress under you these next five months.  Stop complaining; I just gave you five full days off.  Plus, at least I gave you fair warning this time.

Now, legs, I’m even going to tell you how I’m going to do it.   This way you’ll be extra prepared for what’s coming.  I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt this time.  I’ll treat you better. I’ll roll you guys out more.  I’ll stretch you guys out five times per day, instead of three.  And, yes, I’ll even give you a weekly ice bath, even though I loathe them.  Just get me from Hopkinton to Boston in less than two hours and 40 minutes and I’ll give you whatever you want.

Things are going to be a little different this time around.  First, those 20+ mile long run days; they’re now on Mondays.  Why? Because Boston is on a Monday. 

Remember those times where I told you that we would be running 80 miles per week in last year’s build up for Boston? I do, too. 

 I also remember not doing that.

We were closer to 70-75 than 75-80.  Not good.  As soon as the build up to mileage ends, we’re staying at 80 miles per week.  Don’t worry, at least one day will be six miles or shorter. 

 And, you may find this interesting, but I’m introducing something new to training this year: cross-training! That’s right.  While biking is the bane of both our existences, I won’t subject us to that.  Instead, we’ll be aqua jogging two nights per week.  Sorry, but that doesn’t excuse us from two doubles running per week either.  It’s four doubles now.

 Look, guys. I know it’s going to be tough.  Even tougher than last time.  But, do you want the glory? Do you want that feeling of invincibility after? The race is going to hurt as will the 12-mile tempo runs, 23-mile long runs and ice baths.  It all will.  But I promise you it will be worth it.  If you get me to under 2:40 that day, I’ll give you guys a full three weeks off, massages included.

Get me there in less than two hours and forty minutes, and I’ll repay you guys heavily.

Get me there in less than two hours and forty minutes, and I’ll be forever grateful.