This year of cross country was supposed to be “the year”. I had finally decided to dedicate myself to cross country only (instead of doing cross country training with marathon training) and seeing what I was capable of. I wasn’t sure if I could pull off a 27:30 (or even sub 27-minute) 8K or if I were just doomed to not be a solid Division 1 cross country runner. I put in the work over the summer by running 70 miles a week from June-July. I put in the work in the earliest parts of the season by running 80 miles a week for most of August and all of September. In workouts, I was tearing it up. I was even put in the middle workout group for the first time in my life, when I was always in the slowest one.
The middle group! After two years of going through a daily Sisyphean struggle of trying to move up from the slow group, I had finally been promoted and adapted quite well. Being able to hold on in workouts like hill repeats and tempo runs were attainable. Not only was I elated, but also confident and ready to rip some good times.
Once racing began, things weren’t so dandy.
My first race, a little 5K to begin the season, went solid. I knew I wasn’t a 5K runner anyway but was happy with my result. My first 8K was a complete and total disaster; albeit the course’s footing was like soft sand at the beach, and I was without spikes, I had one of the worst races I could have ever imagined. The chance to redeem myself was Friday at the prestigious Paul Short Run at Lehigh University in Pennsylvania. Again, things did not go well. I faltered too hard late. While I ran over 80 seconds faster at Lehigh than my first 8K in Connecticut, I had expected to run even better, as did everyone else. It was summed up as “solid” by my coach.
“Solid” wasn’t what I wanted when I decided to solely focus on cross country this year. I wanted great. I had aspirations and dreams of completely transforming the type of runner I was, finally grasping that speed I so longingly craved for and becoming a respectable 8K runner.
I haven’t reached that yet. I don’t know whether or not I am physically capable of such accomplishments on the 8K course. I may only be able to reach such prosperity on the roads as a marathon runner. I may just be slow.
In all honesty, I have no idea yet of what I’m capable or not capable of. After two months at 75-80 miles a week or above, I’m dropping my weekly mileage to around 65 miles per week to try and get some more speed. I have the strength, as I’ve always had, but now comes the time to hone the speed if I even have any. With two more races coming up and my training style being totally altered, we’ll see if I can be a respected 8K cross country runner, if I have speed, if I’m more than just a marathon runner. Time will tell whether or not it’s “the year”. If it isn’t the year, it’s impossible to look at the hard work and not think you’ve failed when you’ve done what you’re supposed to do, worked yourself harder than ever before and not have much to show for it. If that’s the disappointment I’m destined for, I have no idea how I’ll ascertain that caustic reality.
Or, perhaps I do. If it’s not “the year”, I’ll make sure it’s “the year” when I begin my training for the Boston Marathon in early November.
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